Sports Section
Ladell Betts Suffers Torn ACL, MCL, Undershirt
Betts was rushed to nearby Parkland Memorial Hospital where doctors performed medical tests on the knee while tailors pre-treated the undershirt to remove pesky grass stains.
NHL Introduces “NHL Awareness” Campaign
The commissioner faces a steep challenge after a poll indicated that the average American can name only 2 hockey players - Hall of Famer Wayne Gretzky, and matinee idol “Jason” from the Friday the 13th movies.
Rush Limbaugh Ousted from Group Buying Little League Team
…when he demanded that team members sign a petition against same-sex marriage, I started really questioning his ability to be hands-off owner.
Indianapolis Speedway To Install Red Lights, Stop Signs
The decision came less than a week after a group of over 400,000 horrified onlookers witnessed 8 high-speed, death-defying collisions along the 2.5 mile stretch of road in a span of roughly 3 hours.
Alex Rodriguez Busted Using One-Night-Stand Enhancer
“…I just wanted to prove to everyone that I was one of the greatest Lothario’s of all time. I am very sorry and deeply regretful.”
