Ladell Betts Suffers Torn ACL, MCL, Undershirt

Ladell Betts, undershirt fight for yardage against the Dallas defense

ARLINGTON, Texas — Suffering yet another setback in an already disappointing season, the Washington Redskins lost backup running back Ladell Betts to a torn ACL, MCL and undershirt. The injury occurred during the 1st quarter of Sunday’s game against the Dallas Cowboys when a Bradie James hit caused Betts to land awkwardly, tearing two ligaments and a Hanes cotton knit undershirt.

Betts was rushed to nearby Parkland Memorial Hospital where doctors performed medical tests on the knee while tailors pre-treated the undershirt to remove pesky grass stains. The team received some encouraging news after an MRI indicated that there was no damage to other ligaments, no torn cartilage and no ring-around-the-collar.

Betts’ knee was not operated on, as doctors typically wait for the MCL to heal before reconstructing the ACL. The shirt, however, underwent emergency surgery, receiving over 150 stitches. After being sewn up, it reportedly was “resting comfortably” in the gentle cycle. It now faces a grueling 6 month rehab stint, during which it must spend most of its time on a hanger, covered in plastic.

While team doctors say the prognosis for a stain-free and more vibrant-looking shirt is excellent, Sports Illustrated’s Peter King thinks the garment may have played its last game underneath a Redskins’ uniform. “Even if it is somehow ready for mini-camp by next May,” said King, “An aging shirt coming off a major injury like this is simply the wrong fit for a rebuilding team like Washington.”

Head coach Jim Zorn named third-string running back Rock Cartwright the starter in Betts’ absence. In the meantime, VP of Football Operations, Vinny Cerrato, has reportedly been scouring the waiver wire and local K-Marts for both backup running backs as well as deeply-discounted 3-packs of white undershirts.

“It just goes to show you how brutal this sport really is” said a visibly shaken Zorn, in his post-game press conference. “I haven’t seen an injury this gruesome since the career of Joe Theismann’s sock came to an abrupt end after a Lawrence Taylor sack sent piercing shards of [Theismann's] tibia straight through the over-matched fabric.”

Collectively, the player/shirt tandem finished the disappointing campaign with 210 yards rushing and 2 touchdowns.

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