Misc

Rush Limbaugh Ousted from Group Buying Little League Team

The future non-owner of Louie's Bakery's little league team

Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was dropped by a group seeking to buy a Little League baseball team in St. Louis, just over a week after his bid for the NFL’s St. Louis Rams fell through.

Morton H. Chumley, leader of the syndicate bidding on “The Louie’s Bakery Sacrifice Bundt Cake All-Stars”, said that the team never questioned Mr. Limbaugh’s commitment to the bakery’s high-calorie confections but felt compelled to oust him due to his increasingly controversial opinions regarding the club’s direction.

“His comments about the wanting the team to play ‘conservative baseball’ sounded innocent enough at first,” said Chumley. “But when he started rambling on about the role he thought little leaguers should play in disputing anthropogenic global warming, I have to admit I was a little caught off-guard.”

“But when he followed that up with a rant demanding team members sign a petition against same-sex marriage - especially when [outfielder] Tyler Bingham’s dad was in the room - that’s when I really started doubting this was going to work,” added Chumley.

Further hindering his chances, the team’s top player, Bobby Taylor, commented that Limbaugh “smells like an ashtray” and indicated that if forced to play for “fatso”, he would instead quit the team and go back to spending Saturday afternoons indoors with his Nintendo Wii.

Little league commissioner, James Shrewsbury, sounded relieved at the decision to oust Limbaugh. “As commissioner, it is my duty to protect the well-being of the children and surround them with positive influences,” said Shrewsbury. “Given Mr. Limbaugh’s previous addiction to prescription painkillers, I feared that we’d end up with a league full of kids hooked on double the physician-recommended dosage of Flintstones chewable vitamins.”

On his radio talk show, Mr. Limbaugh responded angrily to the criticisms. “This isn’t about Little League. This isn’t about bakeries. This isn’t even about me,” said Limbaugh. “What this is really about is the liberal left in this country showing support for the player I bashed – Donovan McNabb – for leading his team on a surprising run to the conference championship game last year.”

“And to get Barack Obama re-elected,” added Limbaugh.

Despite the setback, Mr. Limbaugh has still not given up on his dream of owning a sports team. He has already announced plans to place a bid on the blue team from “Electric Football” - the tabletop football game played on a vibrating, metal field. Mr. Limbaugh stated that, should the deal go through, he intends to set up an exhibition game next season with the team he previously bid on, the St. Louis Rams. Las Vegas odds-makers have installed the blue team as preliminary 7 1/2 point favorites.

Comments are closed.