MLB

Alex Rodriguez Busted Using One-Night-Stand Enhancer

Yankee superstar Alex Rodriguez photographed with a one-night-stand enhancer

He later is captured having an amorous exchange with a curvaceous brunette

Embattled Yankee superstar Alex Rodriguez is in the spotlight again after being photographed in a nightclub with 3 scantily clad young females along with a bottle of a well-known “one-night-stand enchancer”, commonly referred to in baseball circles as “Grey Goose”.

“When I arrived in New York in 2004, I felt an enormous amount of pressure,” confessed Rodriguez to ESPN’s Peter Gammons. “Derek Jeter had already slept with Mariah Carey, Jordana Brewster, Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Tyra Banks and Miss Universe. The only ‘conquest’ I was known for was Madonna, and she hasn’t had a hit record since Ray of Light went quadruple platinum all the way back in 2000. I just wanted to prove to everyone that I was one of the greatest Lotharios of all time. I am very sorry and deeply regretful.”

In his first prime-time news conference since the event, President Barack Obama called Rodriguez’s admission “depressing”.

“And if you’re a fan of Major League Baseball, I think it tarnishes an entire era, to some degree,” Obama said. “This isn’t some below-average looking player like, say, Ricky Bones or Josias Manzanillo that we’re talking about here. With his good looks and Latin charm, A-Rod has the potential to seduce on the first night even the most popular starlets and high maintenance divas that our great nation has to offer.”

“It’s unfortunate, but what he did was a slap in the face to the other poon-hounds in the league who tried to lure women back to their love dens the ‘right way’ - by impressing them with their enormous wealth and fame,” added Obama.

In his soon-to-be-released book, “Gin and Juiced”, former major leaguer Jose Canseco claims that up to 85% of the players took one-night-stand enhancers.

“Guys who had no business even ‘getting to first base’ with women were instead ‘hitting home runs’ at a remarkable pace,” said Canseco. “When Mark McGwire got laid 70 times back in 1998, I knew something was very wrong. But when a guy like Barry Bonds can bed more women with his garlic breath than [previous all-time leader] Hank Aaron, that’s just an unmistakable call to action.”

“If you ask me, not only should an asterisk be placed next to each and every one of A-Rod’s sexual conquests, but he should also be forced to return all 3 of his Most Valuable ‘Playa’ awards,” added Canseco .

Rodriguez’s agent, Scott Boras, dismissed Canseco’s call to diminish his client’s achievements. “Every generation has had its share of so-called ‘cheaters,’” said Boras. “Even studs like Willie Mays, Jimmie Foxx and Harmon Killebrew would occasionally resort to spending big bucks on fancy haberdashery or a stylish coif in order to impress the chicks.”

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