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Illegal Man Downfield Sentenced To 10 Years In Prison

Robert Gallery in the Oakland Raider wing of the prison

Robert Gallery in the Oakland Raider wing of the prison

Former Oakland Raider, Robert Gallery, was convicted and sentenced yesterday to 10 years in a maximum security prison for the felony charge of illegally being downfield in a week 1 game against the Denver Broncos. Despite being held to the most stringent burden-of-proof in the American judicial system - “indisputable video evidence” - the 5 man, 7 woman jury unanimously agreed that Mr. Gallery was well past ESPN’s super-imposed line of scrimmage. Gallery, whose checkered past includes arrests for illegal-use-of-hands and illegal-procedure, stood stoically as judge Jerry Markbreit handed down the maximum penalty. The brutality of the crime as well as the audacity of the defendant to commit it in broad daylight in front of an estimated 63,132 witnesses were cited as key factors in the harsh sentencing.

The case, which captivated the nation, is not the first of its kind. Former NHL star Luc Robitaille is currently serving a 6 year sentence for illegal-curvature-of-the-stick and NBA guard Nate Robinson was arrested in 2005 for illegal-defense, a misdemeanor, which has since been decriminalized.

Alameda county District Attorney, Tom Orloff, would not rule out the possibility that civil charges will also be brought against Mr. Gallery. The offensive tackle, who recently signed a 4 year contract extension, stands to lose hundreds-of-thousands of dollars as well as his 3rd-and-final timeout.

Gallery’s lawyers have already announced their intention to throw the red challenge-flag in appeal, contending that the jury spent more than the allotted 30 second time-limit reviewing the incident. Legal experts across the country were left scrambling to read through the entire NFL rulebook and are currently divided as to the challengeable nature of the offense. NFL head-of-officiating, Mike Pereira, had no comment on the case but did ask that the clock be reset to 2:37.

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